Oh man, that’s icky. I’ve googled many a person for all kinds of reasons but I have never told a person that I googled them. It’s interesting that it’s all men who told you this. Were they men of varying ages? I’m curious if older white people or older people in general don’t realize the etiquette around telling people you googled them/ “checked them out”
Yep, it’s pretty odd. I wasn’t really pissed off, just kind of weirded out by it. In every instance it was men in their 60’s. There may be something to your point about etiquette, but I’m also in my 60s so who knows. One guy googled me, then told me, while I was sitting in a bar talking about another guy about the debt ceiling crisis. I didn’t know what to say.
That’s such a weird thing, and yet all too common. I didn’t think it was so common until it happened to me a few times. I asked the individuals “Why?” And the best they could say was, “I was curious.” If they were that curious, why not come speak to me-I was right in the room-but they didn’t. Some want to know about you and think letting you know what they’ve done will intimidate you. They don’t know many Black folk. To me, that’s the starting shot in conversations that might end ugly for them. I’m a perpetual “mask wearer.” Conditioned by this America in which I live. Always got a game plan. Thanks for sharing.
Melissa, I think a couple of things were at play. I’m one of the few Black people living on the island year-round, and a lot of people (white men especially) are curious about who I am. On top of that, our family is biracial, which makes us stand out even more. When they hear of my connection to Wall Street, they almost want to debunk my credentials. I recognize that I have a somewhat unusual background, but it’s weird that only white guys seem to take things to the extreme. None of it appears to be malicious, but I do believe there’s a degree of subconscious racism to it, intended or not.
Good point. I think we learned with Obama that many White men get intensely uncomfortable when they fear a Black man has something (especially money, status, education etc) they don’t.
It’s strange to me. As always, you handle such situations with humor & grace. I admire that so much.
Marlon, when I used to drive through sundown towns in PA/MD, I’d see those signs and even being white it scared the daylights out of me. I’d take off my Mogen David and my necklace of my name in Hebrew. I could hide, but it was still scary.
One evening, my daughter and I stopped at a Pet store to get a few things and we had our parrots with us. A woman came up and asked if we’d like another parrot. (This happened a few times and meant that a bird was in trouble.) Anna and I agreed to go get the parrot. We followed these folks through dark, winding, foggy country roads into the middle of nowhere. There were sundown signs and Confederate flags everywhere. I nearly turned back but I had to rescue this bird. We pulled into the driveway of the mobile home and there was this tall flagpole with a Confederate flag. Anna’s autistic and I quickly explained that we weren’t there to talk about _anything_ but to get the bird to safety.
Poppy is a Blue & Gold Macaw who was terribly abused by almost the entire family, and the dog. As we walked out with her, the man said, “I hate that damned bird.” I replied, “She doesn’t seem to like you much, either.”
My parting shot.
I was so glad to get out of there without Anna saying something. Phew!
Oh man, that’s icky. I’ve googled many a person for all kinds of reasons but I have never told a person that I googled them. It’s interesting that it’s all men who told you this. Were they men of varying ages? I’m curious if older white people or older people in general don’t realize the etiquette around telling people you googled them/ “checked them out”
Yep, it’s pretty odd. I wasn’t really pissed off, just kind of weirded out by it. In every instance it was men in their 60’s. There may be something to your point about etiquette, but I’m also in my 60s so who knows. One guy googled me, then told me, while I was sitting in a bar talking about another guy about the debt ceiling crisis. I didn’t know what to say.
That’s such a weird thing, and yet all too common. I didn’t think it was so common until it happened to me a few times. I asked the individuals “Why?” And the best they could say was, “I was curious.” If they were that curious, why not come speak to me-I was right in the room-but they didn’t. Some want to know about you and think letting you know what they’ve done will intimidate you. They don’t know many Black folk. To me, that’s the starting shot in conversations that might end ugly for them. I’m a perpetual “mask wearer.” Conditioned by this America in which I live. Always got a game plan. Thanks for sharing.
What’s oddest to me is why they felt compelled to advertise to you that they googled you.
Why on earth did they want to make sure YOU knew?
It may be innocent, but feels like a creepy form of “we’re watching you.” Robert DeNiro in Meet The Parents?
Melissa, I think a couple of things were at play. I’m one of the few Black people living on the island year-round, and a lot of people (white men especially) are curious about who I am. On top of that, our family is biracial, which makes us stand out even more. When they hear of my connection to Wall Street, they almost want to debunk my credentials. I recognize that I have a somewhat unusual background, but it’s weird that only white guys seem to take things to the extreme. None of it appears to be malicious, but I do believe there’s a degree of subconscious racism to it, intended or not.
Good point. I think we learned with Obama that many White men get intensely uncomfortable when they fear a Black man has something (especially money, status, education etc) they don’t.
It’s strange to me. As always, you handle such situations with humor & grace. I admire that so much.
Thanks, Melissa! ☺️
I admire your courage.
Thanks, but I really don’t consider myself courageous. Most of the time, I just try to do the right thing. I guess it’s how I was raised.
I agree. However, imo it’s still courageous.
Marlon, when I used to drive through sundown towns in PA/MD, I’d see those signs and even being white it scared the daylights out of me. I’d take off my Mogen David and my necklace of my name in Hebrew. I could hide, but it was still scary.
One evening, my daughter and I stopped at a Pet store to get a few things and we had our parrots with us. A woman came up and asked if we’d like another parrot. (This happened a few times and meant that a bird was in trouble.) Anna and I agreed to go get the parrot. We followed these folks through dark, winding, foggy country roads into the middle of nowhere. There were sundown signs and Confederate flags everywhere. I nearly turned back but I had to rescue this bird. We pulled into the driveway of the mobile home and there was this tall flagpole with a Confederate flag. Anna’s autistic and I quickly explained that we weren’t there to talk about _anything_ but to get the bird to safety.
Poppy is a Blue & Gold Macaw who was terribly abused by almost the entire family, and the dog. As we walked out with her, the man said, “I hate that damned bird.” I replied, “She doesn’t seem to like you much, either.”
My parting shot.
I was so glad to get out of there without Anna saying something. Phew!
😳